I don’t want to chase anymore.

Years ago,
my body
said no.

Not quietly.
Not gently.

It stopped me
in my tracks.

I burned out.

At first,
I thought
I simply needed
a holiday.

More sleep.
Another coffee.
Another painting.

Painting became
my therapy.

For a little while,
it helped me breathe again.
But deep down,
I knew
I wasn’t just tired.

I was disconnected
from myself.

So I did
what many of us do.

I tried
to fix
the symptoms.

A better routine.
A healthier diet.
More discipline.
More determination.

Maybe if I just
pushed
a little harder…
I’d become
the woman
I used to be.

But my body
had stopped negotiating.
It wasn’t asking
for more effort.

It was asking
for a different life.

That realization
changed everything.
Because for the first time,
I stopped asking,
“How do I get my energy back?”

And started asking,
"What is my body
trying to tell me?"

That question
became
the beginning
of my healing.

I started listening.
Really listening.
Not to my mind.

My mind
always had another plan.

Another idea.
Another solution.
Another goal.
Another mountain
to climb.
​
But, my mind loved another idea. 
My body did not.

And it was my body
that knew the truth.

It knew
when I needed
to leave.

When I needed
to rest.

When I needed
the ocean.

Silence.
Nature.
Music.
Creativity.

It knew
long before
my mind
was willing
to admit it.

Lately,
I realized something else.
And somehow,
it set me free.

I have spent
so much of my life
chasing.
Not because
I wanted to.

Because somewhere,
I learned
that life
had to be earned.

Love
had to be earned.

Success
had to be earned.

Rest
had to be earned.

Even happiness
felt like something
I had to work for.

So I chased.

Opportunities.
Perfection.
Achievement.
Being enough.
Being strong enough.
Being capable enough.

Being everything
to everyone.

And I became
very good at it.

Until my body
refused
to come with me.

It finally dawned on me…

I wasn’t exhausted
because I was weak.
I was exhausted
because I had been
carrying a life
that was never meant
to be carried
alone.

That realization
set me free.

Because if exhaustion
wasn’t my identity,
it could become
my teacher.

Today,
I still listen
to my body.

It whispers now.
It no longer
has to shout.

It tells me
when I need
to slow down.

When I need
to paint.
To walk
by the ocean.

To sit
with a cup of coffee.

To play my gongs.

To breathe.
​
To do
absolutely nothing.

And for the first time,
I trust it.
I don’t want
to chase anymore.
I want
to receive.

Not because
I’ve stopped dreaming.

But because
I no longer believe
that everything beautiful
has to arrive
through struggle.

Some things
arrive
when we finally
make space
for them.

I’ve learned
that flowers
don’t chase bees.

The ocean
doesn’t chase
the tide.

The sunrise
doesn’t chase
the morning.

They simply become
what they were
created to be.

Perhaps
that’s what
I’ve been learning
all along.

Not how
to become
someone else.

But how
to come home
to myself.

Less proving.
More trusting.
Less striving.
More presence.
Less chasing.
More receiving.

Because maybe
life
was never asking me
to carry it all.

Maybe
it was simply waiting
for me
to put it down.

To soften.
To breathe.
To trust.
​
And finally…

to receive.