When restlessness was trying to lead me somewhere.

I will never forget the support I had from 1987 to 1994.

I worked as a bookkeeping assistant for an engineering company right in downtown Stockholm. Looking back, there was actually so much I loved about that time. The location. The energy of the city. My coworkers. The familiarity of the routine. It was safe, stable, and in many ways, good.
But the last three years… I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.

It’s strange how life can look perfectly fine from the outside while something inside of you quietly starts screaming for change.

I called my dad almost every day complaining about my situation. I honestly don’t know how he survived all my whining calls. The patience he had with me now feels almost unbelievable. Day after day, I would talk about feeling restless, trapped, uncertain, emotional, and frustrated. I didn’t even fully understand what I was searching for. I just knew something in me wanted out.

At the time, it felt like confusion.
Now I can see it differently.

I was waiting for the next chapter before it had revealed itself yet.

I had no idea that life was already moving underneath the surface. That eventually I would meet a Canadian. That love would pull me across the ocean. That I would end up in beautiful BC, building an entirely different life than the one I could imagine sitting in that office in Stockholm.

Sometimes I think about how hard we can be on ourselves during transition periods. We think we are failing because we are uncomfortable. But often, discomfort is just the soul preparing to move.
Back then, I only felt the restlessness.

Now I can see the becoming. And the endless support from my dad.